1 Samuel 22:1-2 (NIV):
1 David left Gath and escaped to the cave of Adullam. When his brothers and his father's household heard about it, they went down to him there. 2 All those who were in distress or in debt or discontented gathered around him, and he became their commander. About four hundred men were with him.
You may be familiar with the concept of getting what you give. If you are generous, you receive generosity back; if you love others, you will also be loved; if you do good, good will be done unto you. Some people call it karma. Some call it "getting what you deserve". Others yet, you reap what you sow. It isn't a science, but a generalization about how we interact with others and the impacts that our actions can make on us in return.
Last week, I was reading a book on relationships which touched on this concept -- only, instead of assessing small returns, it challenges its readers to look at behavior holistically. More specifically, to consider where it came from and thus understand why certain patterns develop. It largely came down to emotional health. Emotional health contributes to the way that we live, and, most strikingly, the types of people you attract and are attracted to. One chapter focused on how we connect to others based upon what we believe we deserve, what we expect out of a relationship, and how we feel about ourselves. Each of these things affect who we get involved with. They affect who we are drawn to.
Not being in any overtly toxic relationships (ie friendships/partnerships that involve emotional or physical abuse), I found this topic interesting. It just wasn't until I really started thinking about attraction that I realized how pertinent all of it is to my own life.
Here are some questions to consider: How can you know if you are emotionally healthy? Where do you fall on the spectrum of emotional health? If you aren't sure how or where you sit, consider your close relationships. They truly do act as outward reflections of inward states.
I realized through much reflection that I am indeed emotionally healthy. Or, more accurately, I'm at the positive side of the spectrum (nothing actually exists in a strict binary). But I haven't always been at this place. When I read 1 Samuel 22 last week, I realized that our emotional health, just like our physical and spiritual health, chances in response to various factors within life. Before taking a look at a part of David's story, let me give an example of our shifting internal environment: Last semester I got very distracted. I let a few individuals into my life and heart that did not reflect the ideals I've seen appearing within this semester (relationships which reflect good communication, emotional vibrancy, and spiritual connectivity) as I've become more emotionally healthy. Not only was I attracted to those people, but I also attracted others who were similarly suspicious. I can see now that the place I was in within myself had an impact on the relationships which started to grow. Only by spending winter break digging into deeper reliance on God did I start shifting towards a better part of the emotional health spectrum.
Now let's look at the Bible to see this concept of attraction and health CONFIRMED. In 1 Samuel 22:1-2, we see into David's flight from Saul, the first major breaking point of their fractured relationship. Remember, David was an exceptional man of God who entrusted his success against Goliath, his leadership in battles, and relationships with others to a higher power than his own. His earlier behavior and interactions with others are quite positive. But then, as Saul is intent upon killing him, David takes a step backwards in his well-being. Distraught and fearful, he runs away. He goes into hiding. And he attracts people who are also "in distress or in debt or discontented".
At peak emotional health, he attracted and was attracted to Jonathan, a friend who sharpened him and "became one in spirit with David" (1 Sam. 18:1). Jonathan's own emotional health shone through when his fellow soldiers protected him from his father's toxic impulsiveness (1 Samuel 14:24-46) and by his care for David throughout their friendship. Taking a mental hit from Saul's violence against him, we see David now developing some less reputable relationships than Jonathan. We know this new group is not the most healthy because of their own emotional and financial states, two struggles which connect them, at that time, with David.
So, considering how this plays out in actual Biblical stories, and having an idea of how to assess emotional health via relationships, let me ask: Where do you fall on the spectrum? Are you connected with people who seek God and have good practices? What type of people are you drawn to? All of this affects the types of things you think about, talk about, want, and do. And when you consider your natural relational tendencies, you start to see how you express the things going on within yourself.
Reflect on this throughout your week. But don't be judgmental -- don't feel shame if you're at a less healthy place than you usually are or aspire to be -- and don't feel pride if you are seeing the fruit of health in your life. Just ask what you can do to build more healthy habits, turn to God more earnestly, and invest in yourself. You deserve to have the best sort of people in your life You deserve the best sort of you. And if God's involved in the process (as He needs to be, and will be, if you desire true emotional health), you'll certainly reap far more than you sow.
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